


Who Keeps the Keeper?

by Araloth



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bad Parenting, Cancer, Child Loss, Daniel Buckley's Death, Family Drama, Gen, M/M, Savior Sibling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:02:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29368200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Araloth/pseuds/Araloth
Summary: The story of Daniel Buckley's death. Buck learns the full truth of his family's secret and has to deal with the consequences. Based on the theory that Buck's parents may have had him to try and help save Daniel from some kind of prolonged illness, and my take on what that could have looked like.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 201





	Who Keeps the Keeper?

**Author's Note:**

> So I saw this theory, and it really hit home for me when i considered Buck would have been born very clsoe to when Daniel died, and when i looked up the possible meanings for "Evan" as a name. I try to keep the ages vague for the most part in the story since i know everyone has different thoughts on the timeline, but if anyone is interested in my best guess work and calculations, they're in the notes at the bottom of the story.

When Daniel was born Phillip and Margert couldn’t have been happier. They’d both known they wanted kids from the moment they’d gotten married, and it was finally happening. They were starting their own little family. They got baby books, and boxes, mountains of toys, and more film then they could ever possibly go through. Everyone always said things went by fast, and they didn’t want to miss a single moment. Every first, every little trial and triumph got recorded. Being a parent was more tiring than either of them could ever have imagined, but also so much more rewarding. Daniel was perfect.

Then Maddie came in 1982 and made their family complete. Father, son, mother, and daughter. A wonderful little nuclear family. Daniel had complained at first that he’d wanted a brother, but from the moment he saw Maddie he’d been smitten. Phillip and Margert had heard horror stories from some of their friends with kids who fought like cats and dogs, but Daniel and Maddie were as thick as thieves. When she was a baby and all else failed, it was Daniel who was always able to get Maddie to stop crying. As soon as Maddie started learning to crawl she would scoot around from room to room, following her big brother wherever he went. Things seemed so good, it was hard for the Buckleys to imagine they would ever change.

***

In retrospect, the first warning sign might have been on the fourth of July, 1988. The whole neighborhood was having a kind of barbecue, and get together to celebrate leading up to the fireworks. Daniel and Maddie had been racing around with some of the other local kids on the new bicycles Phillip had gotten for them the previous Christmas. Daniel and Maddie loved those bikes. They’d started taking them out on the sidewalks when the streets were still covered with snow and ice that winter. Daniel had been a natural. He'd fallen only his very first day, and ever since he's been unstoppable. Maddie's bike had come with a set of training wheels but she was determined to do anything her brother could, she'd practiced every day and kept pushing Phillip to take them off. When her parents hesitated Maddie started taking out Daniel's bike whenever he wasn't using it, trying to get used to balancing without the extra set of wheels. Several bumps and bruises later Maddie proved herself, and finally convinced her parents she didn't need the training wheels anymore. After that nothing could keep her from riding right along with Daniel and the other older kids in the neighborhood.

Margaret had been making some salads in the kitchen while Phillip worked the grill, one of the ever-present cameras just within reach on a picnic table when Maddie had come running back to the house crying.

Phillip and Margaret had both tossed aside what they were doing to go check on her.

“What’s wrong sweetie?” Margaret asked.

Maddie sniffed. “Daniel got hurt.”

By the time Maddie led Phillip and Margaret back to Daniel, most of the other neighbor kids had moved along. Daniel was brushing some dirt off of his bike. He was holding his right hand at a bit of a funny angle, and had some scrapes up and down the skin on that arm too.

“Daniel!” Margaret rushed forward when she saw him. “What happened?”

“I just felt a little woozy” Daniel shrugged amicably. “I fell.”

“How’s your hand?” Phillip asked.

“It hurts a little.” Daniel smiled. “My bike’s okay though.”

The Buckleys skipped the barbeque to take Daniel to the hospital to get checked out. The doctor announced Daniel had broken his wrist. He patched Daniel up and let him pick out what color cast he wanted, all the while praising Daniel and the Buckelys on how brave he was being.

Margaret smiled. She’d been a little worried finding Daniel like that, but she couldn’t help but smile at the doctor’s words and Daniel’s enthusiasm at getting to have a _red_ cast. “I just don’t understand how he fell…”

“Well,” The doctor shrugged. “If he was waiting to eat at the barbeque later he may have just been hungry and gotten a little faint.” The doctor smiled. “Growing boys need their food after all.”

“I suppose.”

Daniel smiled. “I’m fine mom.”

Phillip laughed. “Well if you’re fine then I guess you won’t need any ice cream on the way home then huh?”

Daniel and Maddie broke into a chorus of hurried protest. In the end of course they did get ice cream, and when it came time for the fireworks Phillip drove them all out to a secluded overlook with a perfect view of the field the town shot them off from. While they waited for the show to start Maddie became the first person to sign Daniel’s cast.

***

By the time Daniel’s cast came off it was clear something was wrong. The school called Margaret in the middle of the day a week later. Daniel had fainted again, and even though he’d only fallen from his desk to the floor he’d wound up with dark purple bruises along his side. The doctors assured the Buckleys that whatever was wrong they would figure it out and fix it. Daniel was a tough kid, and they had every confidence he would be just fine. When the hospital asked to keep Daniel overnight for observation while they ran some tests Phillip and Margaret both slept in his hospital room. A neighbor had volunteered to watch over Maddie and get her to school in the morning but Maddie had been so insistent on seeing Daniel that the neighbor had finally given up and driven Maddie up to see the rest of the Buckleys.

Maddie frowned when she climbed up into bed next to Daniel and got a better look at him. “You didn’t get a cast for me to sign this time…”

“Nope.” Daniel laughed.

Maddie's disappointment was overcome after dinner when Daniel let her have half of the pudding cup the hospital brought him for dessert.

***

“Leukemia?” Margaret asked. Her hand was shaking inside of Phillip’s. The doctor had called them out of Daniel’s room to speak in one of the hospital’s lobbies. This particular hospital had a strange floral theme in all of its wallpapers, seemingly at odds with the heavy scent of antiseptic and industrial strength cleaner clinging to the air.

The doctor nodded gravely. “I know it’s a scary diagnosis. We’d have like to have caught it earlier, but Daniel is young and with the right course of treatment and chemotherapy…”

***

Daniel got a permanent room in the hospital. After months of tests and different specialists, Daniel had a team of regular doctors and nurses. Daniel charmed them all. Over the weeks and months, he built a steady collection of toys and cards. Nurses would bring him candy and treats from the vending machines. On days when Daniel was feeling worse and was too tired or achy, some of them would sit and read to him. They got Daniel extra pillows. One of the nurses even brought in a VCR so Daniel could watch movies when there wasn't anything good on TV.

The Buckleys all spent as much time at the hospital as they possibly could, ferrying themselves and Maddie back and forth multiple times a day. Either Margaret or Phillip always made a point to be there for Daniel for an hour or two in the morning before work, and they would both come back as soon as the workday ended. Maddie didn’t fully understand why Daniel couldn’t come home, but she wanted the doctors to hurry up and make him better. She watched too, as the doctors and nurses managed to make her parents and Daniel smile even when they were tired or Daniel was hurting. To Maddie, it seemed like a special kind of magic. When Daniel started to feel worse, and her parents would cry more and more, Maddie knew that if only she could tap into that same magic everything would be okay.

***

“The chemotherapy isn’t working is it?” Phillip asked hoarsely.

The doctor hesitated. “We aren’t seeing all the results we hoped for no…”

“What else can we do?” Margaret croaked. “There has to be something else we can do…”

“There is one other form of treatment we could try…”

***

The needle hurt, but Maddie didn't mind. Not if it could help Daniel feel better. Her parents were smiling a little more again too, telling Maddie how brave she was. When it was all over one of Daniel's nurses gave Maddie a butterfly sticker for her arm.

The doctor took the little glass full of Maddie’s blood from the nurse. “I’ll let you know as soon as we have the results.”

Maddie’s parents nodded hopefully. Maddie smiled, maybe she had magic after all.

***

Her parents were sad again. Maddie’s magic must not have worked. But they cried a little less than before and kept talking about timing and looking at calendars. Maddie wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t near her or Daniel’s birthday. Maybe they were going to have a surprise party? Maddie had been invited to her friend Shelly’s surprise party but Daniel couldn’t go so Maddie hadn’t wanted to either. It would be nice if her parents were going to throw a party here for Daniel to make up for it. There never was a party. But ten months later Maddie’s mother was in the hospital too. Maddie was worried at first, but her mom and dad seemed happy again so Maddie was happy too.

***

It was a hard birth- had been a hard pregnancy really. Margaret knew she should have taken better care of herself, she and Phillip had been running themselves ragged between work and spending as much time with Daniel as possible. They’d been so happy when the test had come back positive. Everyday Margaret prayed that her baby would come just a little bit faster. Just a little faster. The bloodwork the doctors had taken from her seemed very promising. The nine months she spent just waiting, watching Daniel get sicker and sicker were some of the hardest of her life. Daniel had always been a happy, healthy boy, but now he was losing weight constantly. It was a struggle to try and keep him at a healthy weight. Daniel’s bones and muscles ached. Daniel never complained, but when his jokes and his laughter died away Margaret knew. 

Labor lasted for hours. Margaret had been fortunate to have fairly quick deliveries with both Daniel and Maddie before. By the time the baby, a boy, had finally come she had been exhausted. The doctors in the delivery room were quick to take the cord blood to try and help Daniel. If it was compatible Margert and Phillip had a shot to finally save their son. Margaret smiled to herself as she drifted to sleep. Daniel would be okay, she just knew it. He had to be.

***

Maddie's parents were smiling again. Her mother was still in a hospital room on a different floor from Daniel’s but she told Maddie she was feeling better. The doctors and her dad were in with Daniel right now so Maddie had to leave his room. One of the nurses took her down to the vending machines to get a piece of candy.

“Do you want to meet your new brother?”

Maddie frowned. “I don’t need a new brother, Daniel’s getting better.”

“Of course he is sweetie.” The nurse smiled and bent down to Maddie’s level. “I’m talking about your new baby brother? You want to come see him?”

The nurse took Maddie’s hand and led her down a hallway to a part of the hospital Maddie hadn’t been to before. It looked different from the sort of room Daniel had. It had more colors and seemed nicer. The nurse stopped in front of a big glass window and pulled over a step stool for Maddie. When she helped Maddie up Maddie saw there were babies on the other side of the glass.

“See?” The nurse pointed to one of the babies closest to the glass, wrapped up in a bright blue blanket. “That’s your brother right there. Baby boy Buckley.”

“What’s his name?” Maddie asked curiously.

The nurse hesitated. “Well… he doesn’t have one yet. Your parents are still deciding.”

“But he’s already here.” Maddie stared up at the nurse quizzically. “Mommy and Daddy told me they knew exactly what my name was going to be before they even met me.”

“Well, your parents have been a little… distracted sweetie."

Maddie supposed that was true.

“Do you want to go meet him?” The nurse asked.

Maddie nodded. Daniel was upstairs with her dad, and her mom had her own room somewhere. It made sense Maddie should be down here with her new brother. He shouldn’t have to be alone either.

“C’mon.” The nurse led Maddie around a corner and unlocked a special looking door. When they got inside she pulled the crib away from the others and over closer to Maddie. “Here.” The nurse smiled warmly. “Say hello to your baby brother.”

"Hi, baby." Maddie reached out uncertainly.

The baby was looking up at her with wide blue eyes. Maddie wasn’t sure what to make of him. The baby made a little noise and reached out towards Maddie. Maddie frowned. “What does he want?”

“Here.” The nurse lifted Maddie’s hand gently. “Give him your finger. He just wants to say hello.”

With the nurse's guidance, Maddie carefully extended her finger out into the crib. The baby's little hand wrapped around it. Maddie smiled. "Hi," Maddie said again. She kept her voice quiet, some of the other babies in the room were crying and Maddie didn't want her new brother to cry too. "I'm Maddie."

***

The new baby’s blood was making a difference for Daniel. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of Phillip and Margaret's chests. The doctors made it clear Daniel wasn't out of the woods yet, and would still need ongoing treatment, but even after just two weeks, they could see a clear difference in Daniel. He had a little more of his color back, and he was eating better.

Margaret and Phillip were sitting with Maddie around Daniel’s bed while he slept, when one of the regular nurses came in, wheeling a crib. The nurse smiled. “I thought I’d bring him up here. Get the whole family all together.”

Phillip nodded politely. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Oh, it was no trouble. Besides,” The nurse laughed, “If we didn’t bring him up one of the peds nurses might have tried to take him home. He’s become pretty popular down there.”

Maddie frowned up at the nurse. “He’s my brother. They can’t have him.”

“Of course not dear." Margaret sighed. "She was only kidding. But keep your voice down, okay sweetie? We don't want to wake Daniel."

“Okay…”

“Actually,” The nurse reached down into the crib and pulled out a file folder. “While I’m up here there is one other thing we could do…” She passed the folder over to Phillip who was closer. “You still need to finish filling out the birth certificate…”

“Right.” Phillip flipped the paper open thoughtfully. He glanced over at Margaret. “Any ideas on a name sweetie?”

Margaret took a moment to mull it over. "Evan, I think. Because God really has been so gracious." She reached over to gently squeeze Daniel's foot through the covers. "He's helped bring our son back to us."

Phillip nodded and clicked his pen open. “Evan Buckley it is.”

***

Daniel was even more excited to have a brother than Maddie was. Evan went home from the hospital with Daniel’s parents, but they’d always bring him back with them when they came to visit. One of Daniel’s nurses brought in an extra table so the baby carrier could be put right up next to Daniel’s hospital bed. The doctors had told Daniel how his brother was helping to make him better, and Daniel couldn’t wait until he was fully better and he’d be able to pay little Evan back.

“You can have all my old toys, and when you get bigger I’ll teach you how to a bike. And then we can-“

"Daniel," Margaret said warmly. “You’re supposed to be resting.”

***

“…one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fi-” Daniel broke off coughing.

“Daniel?” Phillip was out of his seat already, hoovering over Daniel’s hospital bed.

"I'm fine dad." Daniel smiled. "I'm just reading to Buck."

Phillip sighed. It was just him and the baby visiting today, Margaret had needed to take Maddie to an after-school program. The school's counselor had insisted it would be good for Maddie to reconnect with her friends a bit. Phillip and Margaret hadn't seen the point in paying the school extra money when Maddie already saw her friends there for six hours every day, but Maddie had seemed interested so in the end, they had finally relented. Phillip shook his head and looked down at the book Daniel was holding in his lap with disapproval. “You shouldn’t bother Daniel. You know he doesn’t understand any of that yet. If you want to read something why don’t you let me get you a book you’d like instead?”

“It’s okay.” Daniel smiled over at the baby carrier. “I like reading to Buck.”

Phillip shook his head. “His name is Evan, Daniel. Not Buck.”

“I know. It’s like a nickname! It’s cool.” Daniel grinned and pointed down at the book he was holding. “Just like this. One of the nurses was telling me the man who wrote this wasn’t really named Doctor Suess, he went by that for fun.”

“But Buck?” Phillip walked back over to his chair.

Daniel nodded. “Like Buckley.”

“We’re all Buckleys.” Phillip chucked, “It doesn’t make sense to call just him Buck.”

Daniel shrugged. “I just like it.”

***

“What do you mean he’s getting worse?” Margaret demanded. The doctor had called her and Phillip outside of Daniel’s room to give them his latest test results. “You promised he would get better!

“We told you the cord blood was helping Daniel fight his disease and it was.” The doctor said sympathetically. “But Daniel’s latest labs show his vitals trending back downward…”

The door opened up behind them and crying echoed out of Daniel’s room. Margaret whirled around. Maddie and Daniel had been playing with Evan. Now the baby was screaming his head off. Maddie poked her head out of the room while Daniel tried to rock the baby carriage with his hand that wasn’t hooked up into all the machines looming around his bed.

“What?” Margaret snapped.

"Evan's crying," Maddie said by way of explanation.

“We can see that.” Phillip huffed. “Maddie we’re talking to the doctors-“

“I think he’s hungry.”

“Well then get one of the nurses around here to make him up a bottle!” Margaret snapped. “They have to be good for something!”

The doctor winced. “Mrs. Buckley-“

Margaret cut him off. “Just save my son!”

***

Maddie had never been to a funeral before. Her grandparents had died, but that had been before Maddie was born. Maddie kept blinking, looking down at Daniel in his casket. It didn't look like Daniel. Something was off, something was _wrong_ , but Maddie’s parents wouldn’t listen. Maddie was carrying Evan. Maddie’s mom had put him down in a corner of the strange building when they’d pulled in, but Evan had started crying so Maddie had picked him up. Other people were coming in now. Maddie recognized some. Shelly had come with her parents. Everyone kept telling Maddie how sorry they were. Maddie just nodded.

Evan kept trying to reach down and grab Daniel’s hand. He whined when Maddie pulled his hand away. Finally, Evan started crying again and fussing. He kept trying to reach out for Daniel, a strange, confused look on his face.

“Maddie!” Margaret hissed. Her eyes were red, and she glared down at Maddie. “Get him out of here! This is your brother’s funeral! If the baby can’t behave-“

Maddie nodded mutely and stepped outside with Evan. The sun was shining and bright. It would have been a perfect day to ride bikes.

***

They moved away not long after. A lot of big men came and boxed everything in their house up. Maddie’s dad had the firepit in the back yard going, burning some of the things they didn’t need. Some of Daniel’s things. Pictures of Daniel that had hung on the walls…

When Maddie asked him why he was getting rid of Daniel’s things he grabbed her wrist tight and bent down to her level. He’d been crying again.

"Promise me, Maddie. Stop asking about Daniel's things." Phillip said sternly. "It's too…" He trailed off. "Just no more talk about Daniel. Promise me.”

"Okay, Daddy," Maddie said quietly. "I promise."

***

“Mud pie!” Evan giggled. He was absolutely filthy. He’d snuck out to Maddie’s old kitchen play set when she turned her back and started flinging mud into the old, cracked plastic pieces. By the time Maddie had hauled him inside, he was covered in the mud. Maddie got him down to the bathroom and gave him a bath, careful to wipe up all of the dirty footprints Evan had tracked in along the way. Maddie would have washed his clothes too, but she wasn’t allowed to use the washer and dryer yet.

Her mom and dad were out again for the night. It was late when they finally got home. Evan was on the floor playing with a toy truck, and Maddie was on the couch watching TV. Maddie smiled when her parents walked in. “Welcome home.”

Phillip frowned. “You should be in bed. It’s past Evan’s bedtime.”

“We wanted to see you.”

“MAM!” Evan cheered gleefully. “DADA!”

Margaret sighed and bent down to pick a piece of dirt off the floor that Maddie had missed. "What's this?"

“Oh,” Maddie said a little guiltily. “Evan got a little dirty. I cleaned up as much as I could but I must have missed a spot.”

“I suppose that means more laundry.” Margaret shook her head. “What did he get up to now?”

“Pie!” Evan chimed in proudly.

“Right…” Phillip huffed. “Well let’s get him to bed…”

***

“No more Evan!”

“But mom I’m good!” Evan said proudly. He pushed the picture from the local paper forward. “Second place!”

Margaret tisked. "Second place riding ridiculous death machines. A motorbike? Really?” She rolled her eyes. “You need to grow up Evan. What if you’d gotten hurt?”

“The most injuries anybody had was a sprained wrist and some bruises!” Evan protested. “Mom-“

“I’m tired of all this recklessness!” Margaret snapped. “What were you thinking?”

“Maybe it’s because it feels you only notice me when I’m doing something crazy!”

“What you need is some disciple!” Margaret said coldly. “Your father and I are going to have a talk when he gets home…”

Two weeks later his parents signed Evan up for the Navy ROTC program at his high school.

***

“-that’s Daniel. He died. He was our brother.”

Maddie’s words just kept echoing around in Buck’s head. They’d lied to him. His parents, Maddie… his whole life they’d been lying to him. He’d had a brother. A brother Buck didn’t even remember, but who apparently he’d been born to save. After Maddie finally told Buck the truth about Daniel the rest had come pouring out. How Daniel had gotten sick… Buck had only been a means for his parents to try and save their real son, and in the end, he hadn't even managed to do that right.

Buck wanted it all to be a dream. Some kind of messed up joke. But it made too much sense. Fragments of conversations with Maddie over the years Buck hadn’t even remembered before suddenly fell into place. The disappointment his parents always seemed to have when they looked at him… It had driven Buck hundreds of miles away and it still hadn’t been far enough. For Buck’s entire life he’d felt the weight of standing in his brother’s shadow without even realizing it.

Buck hadn’t had any conscious thought about where he was driving when he pulled away from Maddie’s place. He’d just needed to leave. But… somehow Buck had known he’d wind up here. Buck hesitated outside the door when he finally climbed out of his car. It was late. Buck should have called first but in his haste to get leave he’d forgotten his phone at Maddie’s. Maybe Buck just shouldn’t have come at all. He was turning around to leave when the door opened from the inside.

“Are you okay?” Eddie leaned up against his front door in a worn pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt.

“I-“ Buck stumbled for words. “I don’t know…”

"Maddie called," Eddie said slowly. "She thought you might head here…"

"Sorry." Buck bit back tears. "I just- they never wanted me, Eddie. I was nothing to them but-“

“Hey.” Eddie reached out and grabbed Buck by his shoulder. “You’re not nothing. _I_ want you. I’ll always want you in my life Buck. And I know a lot of other people who’d agree with me. Maddie included.”

Buck leaned his forehead down against Eddie’s. “I was just never good enough for them…”

"You are Buck," Eddie whispered hoarsely. "So, so good. And if your parents can't see that then they don't deserve you. You’re good Buck.”

**Author's Note:**

> I try to keep the ages vague for the most part, but if anyone is interested in my best guess work and calculations, here they are. We know from Chimeny that Maddie has been lying to Buck "for 29 years" and that her parents made her agree to lie about Daniel when she was nine. Based on this and the comment her mother makes about Maddie being over 35 late in the episode, Maddie has to be 38, meaning she would have been born in 1982 probably since the last date we got for the show's timeline is still in late 2020.
> 
> Buck tells Bobby in season one that he is 26, so three years later in season four Buck should be either 28 or 29 based on when his birthday is, which also tracks with Maddie lying to Buck "for his whole life" and equally the 29 years chimney already mentioned.
> 
> Then since the date on the photo Buck finds is 1988, I used my best judgement to say Daniel was probably about two years older than Maddie going by how old the kid in the picture looks.


End file.
